Dateline Hollywood

Howard K. Stern named to supervise Britney Spears visitations

While everybody's focused on the exciting news that Brit gets to spend three days per week with her kids after yesterday's court ruling yesterday, not many people are talking about a key word in the ruling: "supervised."

That's right, the court is appointing an expert in childcare and legal affairs to oversee Britney's visits with Sean Preston and Jayden James to ensure that she treats them well and follows all the legal rules set down by the judge.

We here at Dateline Hollywood did a little digging and were surprised to find out that the man picked for the job is Howard K. Stern, the controversial attorney and alleged baby's mama from Anna Nicole's brief time in the spotlight. Isn't he a little, ummm, shady? Not according to the court.

"Mr. Stern has extensive experience in the legal rules surrounding child custody and is extremely qualified to recognize when celebrity offspring are being treated poorly," a Los Angeles Family Court spokesperson told Dateline Hollywood. "Besides, it's not like he's going to f*ck up those kids anymore than Britney and K-Fed already have."

Britney Spears' incredible weight loss!

Hollywood wants to know how she did it. Britney Spears was in a Los Angeles courtroom this morning and looking at these sketches, she has lost an incredible amount of weight in one weekend. She hasn't been this thin since her teenage years when she claimed she was still a virgin.  The photo on the left shows Britney on Friday and on the right is how she looked in court today.  It's already being called the Spears Weekend Diet. We're checking reports that Britney may have contracted the Ebola Virus. It's the only thing that may explain that stunning weight loss.

***UPDATE****

Kirstie Alley has just hired this court sketch artist to do several portraits.

Britney becomes new star of How I Met Your Mother

Everybody’s buzzing about whether Britney will be making a return appearance on CBS’ “How I Met Your Mother,” but we have learned the real truth: Not only is she coming back, she’ll be starring in every episode next season!

In fact, there’s going to be a radical revamp of the show. The title’s changing from “How I Met Your Mother” to “How I Met Sean and Jayden’s Mother.” Our inside source tells us that cast members such as Neil "Doogie" Patrick Harris, Allison Hannigan and Jason Segal have all been fired for new regulars including Brit, Kevin Federline, Lynne and Jamie Spears, and many of our favorite pop star’s other family and friends from the for-real world.

BRITNEY SPEARS’ FATHER ORDERED TO SEXUALLY SATISFY KEVIN FEDERLINE

A judge has ruled that Britney Spears’ father Jamie must have sex with Kevin Federline as part of his agreement to be conservator of her affairs. “One of Ms. Spears most important affairs is keeping her ex-husband sexually satisfied,” said Judge Andrew Kalen. “You’ve got to take the good with bad.” Jamie Spears has been in charge of Britney’s life since the pop star’s mental health troubles began several months ago. Some observers have speculated about his motives after the court recently approved his taking $2,500 per week from Britney’s accounts to pay himself for the job, as well as leasing a car at her expense.

Britney Spears' father ordered to sexually satisfy Kevin Federline

A judge has ruled that Britney Spears’ father Jamie must have sex with Kevin Federline as part of his agreement to be conservator of her affairs. “One of Ms. Spears most important affairs is keeping her ex-husband sexually satisfied,” said Judge Andrew Kalen. “You’ve got to take the good with bad.”

DOCTORS DECLARE BRITNEY SPEARS ALMOST ‘VH1-READY’

In the first positive news for Britney Spears since she entered a hospital for psychiatric problems, doctors on Sunday said that the singer is within close to being “VH1-Ready.” “It’s a technical term meaning a sick celebrity can be released to the 24-hour supervision of cable television reality show,” said Dr. Angela Kraft.  When she was first admitted to the hospital, many medical experts said Spears would never again be “VH1-Ready,” so the new diagnosis is a welcome relief to those close to her.

BRITNEY, LINDSAY, VANESSA STAGE INTERVENTION WITH AMY WINEHOUSE

Seeking to assist someone they called a “severely troubled friend of ours,” Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Hudgens on Saturday staged an intervention for singer Amy Winehouse. “It’s crucial that Amy’s celebrity friends who are more stable and in control of their lives help her out at this difficult time,” the trio said in a statement.

BRITNEY SPEARS TO WED RICK SALOMON

Hoping to add some stability to her troubled life, Britney Spears announced that she has accepted a marriage proposal from Rick Salomon. “Rick is a great husband, father, and actor and I’m lucky to have landed him so soon after he became available again,” said an enthused Spears.

TEXT MESSAGE PROVES ZAC EFRON IS FATHER OF BRITNEY’S NEW BABY

Just two days after In Touch magazine showed a text message from music producer JR Rotem stating that he got Britney Spears pregnant, Dateline Hollywood has revealed a text from Zac Efron in which the “High School Musical” star alleges that he is the father of the Britney’s unborn baby.

‘BLACKOUT’ TO GET NEW COVER FEATURING BRITNEY’S VAGINA

With sales for Britney Spears’ new album “Blackout” plummeting, Jive Records announced it will re-release the album with a new cover featuring Spears bending over in a skirt without panties. “Our research shows it may have been a mistake to show Britney’s face on the cover, as many younger fans only recognize her by her genitals,” said Jive VP of marketing Geoff Berkshire.