Dateline Hollywood

'90s hip hop revival proclaimed in criinal justice system

United States Attorney General Michael Mukasey on Friday announced that with the arrest of DMX and R. Kelly finally going on trial, "'90s hip-hop is back" in the U.S. courts.

"I've always been a fan of classic rap myself and I just haven't been able to get excited about the current crop of drug-dealing, animal abusing, money laundering rappers we've been arresting lately," Mukasey told Dateline Hollywood. "That why it has been such a thrill to see R. Kelly and DMX both back in the spotlight of the criminal justice system this week. It's like we're reviving everything that was great about my early 40s."

Prison guards around the country say they're preparing for the '90s hip hop revival to hit their clubs soon. "Usually the trends that start in the courts make their way to the prisons pretty quick," said Arizona prison guard union president Roy Tuxan.

Potheads lining up for "Speed Racer" movie

Marijuana smokers around the country are lining up for tomorrow's release of "Speed Racer," which magazine High Times has already proclaimed the "pot head film of the year."

"With its bright neon colors, fast moving cars, and insultingly simplistic storyline, 'Speed Racer' is the perfect movie for anyone stoned out of their f*cking mind," said HIgh Times film critic Stephen Lotilo, who gave the film four buds, his highest rating.

Outside Cineplex 6 theater in Austin, Texas,  self-taught horticulturist Manny Tulstin (right) said he's been waiting over a week for "Speed Racer" to open.

"I like the colors and, uhhhh, that thing the guys are in... Oh yea, the cars!" he explained. "This is gonna be the greatest movie since the 'Garfield' sequel!"

Bikini intervention for Jennifer Aniston

Concerned family and friends have held an intervention for Jennifer Aniston after she completed three straight months of wearing nothing but a bikini. A friend of the family says Jen is obsessed with showing off her body to the paparazzi and then complaining about the invasion of privacy.  The friend adds:

"She just won't put on a pair of shorts or a shirt. It's all bikinis now. We're really concerned. She just lost a romantic movie role because the producer would not cave into her demand that she wear a bikini in the role. Aniston was supposed to play a frustrated tour guide who falls in love with an Eskimo in Alaska."

Katherine Heigl hospitalized for dangerous levels of media overexposure

Katherine Heigl is in serious condition at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles for dangerous high levels of media overexposure.  A doctor says, "We thought the overexposure would abate, but she's still suffering from nausea and dizziness which is exactly the same symptoms her viewers are feeling."

Apparently her symptoms started when she reprimanded an Emmy announcer for mispronouncing her name and for complaining to Vanity Fair about the misogyny in "Knocked Up," the very movie that made her a big star.

Amy Winehouse arrested for smoking Olympic torch

She's back in jail. Amy Winehouse was arrested this morning in London. The Olympic Torch was making its way through London when the singer grabbed the torch from a runner and attempted to smoke it.  Security moved in and quickly drove her away. There were all sorts of bruises on her face and body when she arrived at the jail. She was examined by a jail doctor who blamed the bruising on a case of Amy Winehouse being Amy Winehouse.

BREAKING NEWS: Bill Clinton endorses Barack Obama

Just breaking now... Hillary Clinton just suffered a major setback. During a taping of the Rachel Ray Show this morning, Bill Clinton appeared with Barack Obama and endorsed him.  Bill was on the show to do a cooking segment and share his recipe for Tasty Chicken Barbecue Cake Frosted Enchiladas when Obama suddenly showed up and the audience went crazy. Bill then made the big announcement:

"Now I've thought about this long and hard, and I've decided Barack is the best person for the job. It's funny how one arrives at critical decisions in life. One tends to make snap decisions when one's wife ends up acting like a major pantsuit wearing bitch."

More to come... stay tuned!

DEA ready to arrest American Idol's Jason Castro

Where's Jason Castro going if he gets kicked off of "American Idol" tonight? Straight to prison, sources at the Drug Enforcement Agency tell Dateline Hollywood.

DEA agents are standing ready outside the Kodak Theater this evening in case the dreadlocked crooner gets the boot, as many predict he will.

"Have you seen this Castro guy? Not only does he look like a junkie, but he forgets the lyrics to songs all the time," said DEA deputy director John Wexall. "When he forgot the lyrics to 'Mr. Tambourine Man' last night and just kept smiling with goofy grin, I knew he was totally high."

Wexall then asked to send an important message to the American public about tonight's "American Idol" episode.

"Go Syesha!" he exlaimed. "You know you're my girl!"

Shocking revelations in Barbara Walters book!

Barbara Walter's memoir is filled with revelations. Not only does she reveal her affair with a black senator in the 1970s, but she also discloses the following pieces of shocking information:

• She truly believes Whoopi Goldberg is funny
• Once walked into men's room accidentally and found Rosie O'Donnell using the urinal
• Owns time share in Fallujah
• Was UFC champion in 1998
• During interview, asked Israel's Prime Minister Menachem Begin if he had fun directing Annie Hall
• Still "gets it on" with Hugh Downs
• After interviewing Tori Spelling, she punched her in the throat
• Sold T-shirts on the side that say "Don't Hassle the Beck"
• Blamed Star Jones for rice shortage
• Dated Benjamin Franklin for two years in college

Howard K. Stern named to supervise Britney Spears visitations

While everybody's focused on the exciting news that Brit gets to spend three days per week with her kids after yesterday's court ruling yesterday, not many people are talking about a key word in the ruling: "supervised."

That's right, the court is appointing an expert in childcare and legal affairs to oversee Britney's visits with Sean Preston and Jayden James to ensure that she treats them well and follows all the legal rules set down by the judge.

We here at Dateline Hollywood did a little digging and were surprised to find out that the man picked for the job is Howard K. Stern, the controversial attorney and alleged baby's mama from Anna Nicole's brief time in the spotlight. Isn't he a little, ummm, shady? Not according to the court.

"Mr. Stern has extensive experience in the legal rules surrounding child custody and is extremely qualified to recognize when celebrity offspring are being treated poorly," a Los Angeles Family Court spokesperson told Dateline Hollywood. "Besides, it's not like he's going to f*ck up those kids anymore than Britney and K-Fed already have."

Charlie Sheen picks wedding site

The date is set. Charlie Sheen and his fiancee Brooke Mueller are going to wed on Friday, May 30th and Charlie has handpicked the site himself,  the Gentlemen's Strip Club in Encino, California. The couple met at a party in early 2006 not long after Charlie separated from his then-wife, Denise Richards. Charlie tells Dateline Hollywood he wanted to have his wedding at a place where he feels comfortable and is used to.  He says:

"This is going to be a fun wedding. I've already got $500 in singles. Plus, I have reserved the private rooms as well. I really love Brooke and I want to make it a special day."

Tom Cruise announces future dates for "I'm Sane in 2008" tour

Following his successful appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," Tom Cruise today announced future dates for his "I'm Sane in 2008" tour.

"The American public is starting to think that Tom might not be a judgmental, pseudo-religion worshipping, complete and utter nutcase and we're looking to continue that momentum with a bunch of dates around the country this summer," said "Cruise is Sane in '08" tour manager Patrick Xenon.

Dates announced Tuesday include:

-"Regis and Kelly" on June 14

-"Barbara Walters Special" on June 27

-"Today Show" on July 7

-"This Week with George Stephanopolous" on July 20

Sources close to "Sane in '08" said it's particularly important to complete the tour before audiences see next winter's "Valkryie," in which Cruise looks like this:

'The Hills' disappointing spoiler!

The finale for the current season of The Hills airs this Monday, May 12 and Dateline Hollywood has uncovered a major spoiler that will disappoint a lot of people.

****SPOILER BELOW*****

Dateline Hollywood has just seen a copy of the finale, and we're sad to report that no one is killed off in the finale. There had been rumors that one of the characters would be killed off. As a matter of fact, a recent USA Today poll had 68% of Americans hoping that Spencer would be killed off and 32% hoping that he'd die a slow painful death.

Britney Spears' incredible weight loss!

Hollywood wants to know how she did it. Britney Spears was in a Los Angeles courtroom this morning and looking at these sketches, she has lost an incredible amount of weight in one weekend. She hasn't been this thin since her teenage years when she claimed she was still a virgin.  The photo on the left shows Britney on Friday and on the right is how she looked in court today.  It's already being called the Spears Weekend Diet. We're checking reports that Britney may have contracted the Ebola Virus. It's the only thing that may explain that stunning weight loss.

***UPDATE****

Kirstie Alley has just hired this court sketch artist to do several portraits.

Penetrating Tyra Banks' interview of Ryan Seacrest goes to Smithsonian

The Smithsonian National Museum of American History's entertainment collection proudly announced today that it will add the fascinating episode of "Tyra" where Tyra Banks interviews Ryan Seacrest to its prestigious collection.  Billed as "one of the finest interviews in the history of television," the collection's curator, Dwight Blocker Bowers, says it is a significant addition to the Smithsonian.  He told Dateline Hollywood the following:

"We were interested in getting some of Mike Wallace's penetrating interviews from '60 Minutes' as well as Dan Rather's interview with Saddam Hussein. We were about to close the deal when we came upon this gem of an interview with Ms. Banks interviewing Mr. Seacrest. She asks him about the frosting of his hair and asks if Simon is really a mean guy. Stunning. We're so glad future generations who will come to the museum will have the chance to see it. We're currently in negotiations to acquire the 'Tyra' episode in which she puts on a fat suit."

Eliot Spitzer with hooker in new 'Grand Theft Auto' videogame

As players reach the top levels of “Grand Theft Auto IV,” they're discovering the appearance of a character who looks very much like disgraced New York governor Eliot Spitzer. It's part of an effort make the game more realistic. "Grand Theft" has featured hookers in its past games, and this latest release is no exception. The Spitzer-like character is seen with a hooker and there's a feature in the game where by pressing certain buttons, you can keep his black socks on while he's nude with the hooker. The game is rated E for everyone.

Scarlett Johansson engaged to Ryan Reynolds, thinks he's Ashton Kutcher

Scarlett Johansson is in for her a rude awakening on her wedding day, friends of the actress told Dateline Hollywood.

While Scarlett and her year-long beau Ryan Reynolds announced their engagement today, there's a big hitch: Turns out that the "Lost in Translation" and "Nanny Diaries" star thinks she's engaged to Ashton Kutcher.

"Scar and Ryan spend most of their time apart on sets and whenever they're together, it's usually at a dark, crowded L.A. party where good looking tall scruffy actors totally blend together," Johansson's pal admitted to Dateline Hollywood. "The first time they met, I totally said 'Hey, I think that guy's Ashton Kutcher,' and she's been under that impression ever since."

Friends of the bride say they haven't had the heart to tell Scarlett the truth. "What makes it even tougher is that we can't ever remember the dude's real name," said the Johansson camp source. "What are you gonna do? Say, 'Hey, I think you're actually engaged to that guy who was in the crappy "Blade" movie'?"

Uma Thurman stalker sentenced to watch Uma Thurman movies

The jury in the Uma Thurman stalking trail has come back earlier than expected and the news isn't pretty for defendant Jack Jordan, who sent threatening cards and e-mails and called the family of the former Mrs. Ethan Hawke.

Not only did the jury find Jack guilty in just a few hours, but Judge Irwin Handleman then sentenced him to what legal experts say is the harshest sentence yet in New York State for felony stalking: 30 days of watching every film in which Uma has starred, except those directed by Quentin Tarantino.

Judd Apatow gives camcorders to Segal, Rogen to "make a movie if you feel like it"

If you're like all of us at Dateline Hollywood HQ, you just can't get enough hysterics from the Judd Apatow gang.

Seems like Judd and Jason Segal and Seth Rogen and all those other jokesters pump out another gutbuster every few months these days. But that's just not enough. We've already seen the hilarious "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and now we have to wait four whole months for "Pineapple Express?" Boooooo!!!!

Luckily that won't be the case next year. Dateline Hollywood has learned that Apatow has come up with a foolproof way to have a new movie EVERY WEEK next year: just give all his friends camcorders and film whatever ideas pop into their heads.

Drew Barrymore dating John Hodgman too!

We knew that Drew Barrymore was dating Justin Long. But now insiders reveal Drew has also been seeing Long's Mac ads co-star John Hodgman. Insider say that Drew was dating Hodgman before Long and hasn't managed to give up on Hodgman just yet. Insiders have Drew telling friends:

"Justin is so just hip and slick. He's so exciting. But I got so used to dating John who's a really nice guy. He's a lot more complicated than Justin though. But I have a spot in my heart for John. I feel bad for him. John's very clumsily and a bad driver. He keeps crashing. John also gets sick a lot and always has some sort of virus where Justin always performs so well, especially when he is f***ing me."

Hollywood History

We're proud of our celebrity coverage and we're highlighting some of our award-winning* news stories.

ZAC EFRON DATING LIZA MINNELLI

BRITNEY SPEARS SUES OVER PHOTOSHOPPED CROTCH SHOT

CARSON DALY BECOMES PITCHMAN FOR MASSENGILL DOUCHE

*Winner of Dateline Hollywood's Best Celebrity Website Award

Nick Cannon and Barbara Walters: lovers???

Just days into wedded bliss with Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon is denying allegations that he has been having an affair with Barbara Walters.

The veteran newswoman, 78, admits in an appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" scheduled to air Tuesday that she had an affair with former Sen. Edward Brooke, the first African-American ever elected to the Senate in the 1970's.

After checking with numerous sources close to Walters, Dateline Hollywood has confirmed that Barbara's love for chocolate didn't end with the election of Ronald Reagan. In fact, she's been dating numerous prominent Black men over the years.

The most recent source of Barbara's chocolate lovin'? Actor/comedian Nick Cannon, who our sources say has conducted a torrid affair with Walters for nearly a year.

It's not yet clear when, if at all, Cannon ended his relationship with Walters and whether he ever cheated on Carey with her. However our sources tell us that the revelation has caused turmoil for the newlyweds. Apparently things weren't helped, one pal of Cannon told us, when he suggested that Carey would feel better about the solution if she tried "making out with Babs and slapping her jiggly old white ass" while Cannon watched.

Mariah Carey completely lets go of herself days after wedding

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married this week in the Bahamas and these photos show that Mariah has completely let herself go just days after getting hitched. The photo on the left is of Mariah on Monday before the wedding. Now on the right is a photo from today. Mariah has quickly packed on the pounds.  What happened?  We contacted Prof. Roger O'Claton from Webster Allen College, a behavioral expert.

"She's married now. Mrs. Carey doesn't have to look skinny to get a guy. She got what she wanted. I've seen this happen to many women. Take my wife for instance. She was thin when we got engaged. As soon we got married, she turned into one big butterball. I mean, you should see just how big her ass is for god's sake.It's the same thing with Mariah. Fans will be disappointed too. We're just days away from seeing Mariah on stage wearing sweatpants. And you can forget about any sex undergarments. Enjoy that bigass grandma underwear."

Despite rumors on other blogs, Dateline Hollywood has confirmed that Nick Cannon is not dead and that Mariah Carey did not eat him.

Lauren Conrad: it's not a sex tape because Jason Wahler didn't shoot inside me

Lauren Conrad has finally spoken out on the controversy over accusations by fellow "Hills" stars Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag that she made a sex tape with ex Jason Wahler.

"Heidi and Spencer are total liars who completely distort the truth just to get attention in the press," she told Dateline Hollywood in an exclusive interview.

"The truth is that Jason and I made a tape, but it wasn't a sex tape," she explained. "It showed Jason and I taking our clothes off, him climbing on top of me, and then inserting himself in me and pounding away for about 10 minutes. But he pulled out before he came and then shot all over my face. So that doesn't count as sex. Right?"

Wahler and Conrad's "non-sex" tape will be available for sale in the DatelineHollywood.com store starting next week for $34.95 plus shipping and handling.

Edie Falco criticized for adopting non-African baby

Today came word that Edie Falco adopted a baby girl from Florida in February. But the Hollywood community is already attacking Falco for having the audacity to adopt a child from inside U.S. borders.  Madonna and Angelina Jolie are both said to be furious with Falco for not going to an African nation to adopt a baby.   Jolie was heard saying, "How could she adopt an American child when she could have gotten an African one? I just don't get it."  This could also hurt Falco's image and her career.  Experts agree she would have gotten a lot more media coverage if she went to Africa with a film crew from a television show. Instead she tried to adopt a plain old baby from Florida in a discreet manner. Falco, your career just got whacked!

Vanessa Hudgens says Disney should fire Miley Cyrus

Vanessa Hudgens is finally weighing in on the Miley Cyrus controversy and the "High School Musical" star says Disney should fire the "Hannah Montana" star for those revealing photos in Vanity Fair. Vanessa gave this statement to Dateline Hollywood:

"Disney is not a home for whores or skanks.  I've seen those photos of Cyrus, and I was embarrassed by them.  When you work for Disney you have to protect that wholesome image like I do. Miley can take her pornographic act to Cinemax AfterDark. Or she can start her own network, C-SKANK."

David Copperfield sets underwater record

One day after David Blaine appeared on Oprah and broke a world record for holding his breath underwater for 17 minutes and four seconds, troubled magician David Copperfield appeared on The Tyra Banks show to break Blaine's record. Copperfield was able to stay underwater -- with only professional Scuba equipment and two oxygen tanks strapped to his back. Copperfield was able to stay underwater for one hour and 32 minutes.

"Take that Blaine, you pussy," said Copperfield.

Paula Abdul being given sobriety test before 'Idol' show

An "American Idol" insider snapped this photograph minutes ago on his cellphone showing staffers administering a sobriety test on Paula Abdul after last night's embarrassing display. While judging contestant Jason Castro, she gave an opinion on two songs she thought he had sung... when he had only performed one! CLICK HERE TO SEE THE AMERICAN IDOL CLIP

The insider says Abdul was having some issues counting the number of fingers on the staffer's hand this afternoon before the show...as shown in the photo. Producers don't want to take any chances tonight and want to make sure she is sober. A lot of hot coffee is being brought in. And in the most drastic step yet, they've already decided to shut down the bar that was constructed inside her dressing room several years ago.

Billy Bob Thornton mad at son for having overage sex

Billy Bob Thornton's son may be a victim in the eyes of the law, but that doesn't excuse him with dear old Dad.

While the 14 year-old is cooperating with authorities over allegations that his 22 year-old girlfriend committed statutory rape by having sex with him, Billy Bob is furious that his son would date a girl OLDER than him.

"I tried so hard to set a good example for Willie, particularly when I married Angelina, but I guess he just didn't get the message," Thornton told Dateline Hollywood. "My boy should only be dating girls who are significantly younger than him, at least 10 years and ideally 20. Given his age, that means he shouldn't even start dating for another 10 or 15 years. That's when I expect him to start the first of at least five marriages.

"My rule is simple," he went on. "If people don't think your relationship is creepy, dump her. But here he is dating an older woman and he doesn't even have any tattoos of her on his body or vials of her blood around his neck. I'm so ashamed."

(Photo at left is Billy Bob and Angelina in happier, creepier times.)

Reports: Roger Clemens now dating 15 year old Miley Cyrus

Just days after denying he had an inappropriate relationship with country singer Mindy McCready that started when she was 15 and he was 28, the former baseball pitcher is now "hooking up" with Miley Cyrus, according to published reports. But Clemens is also denying this latest relationship and has just released this statement: 

"Of course I flatly deny that I have a relationship with 15 year old Miley Cyrus. I deny that I've kissed her soft, gentle lips while holding her sexy luxurious hair. I also deny that we've held each other tight under the moonlight, locking in a tight embrace and having my tongue cover every single inch of her tight body."

Grand Theft Auto IV blamed for low ratings of Today Show fourth hour

While all of Hollywood is buzzing over whether the launch of huge videogame "Grand Theft Auto IV" will impact "Iron Man's" box office this weekend, the producers of "The Today Show's" new fourth hour starring Kathie Lee Gifford say they're feeling the impact.

"We've all been surprised that the ratings for the compelling new addition to 'Today' starring me, one of America's most beloved TV stars, haven't been better," Gifford told Dateline Hollywood. "But I just read an article about that 'Grand Theft Auto Show' game and how it's distracting audiences and it makes total sense. What other explanation could there be why my show isn't a big hit?!"

Asked whether such a scenario would be unlikely given the predominantly young male audience that  plays videogames and the mostly female demographic watching TV late in the morning, Gifford declined to explain the connection.

"All I know is that someone said videogames are a way to explain any movie or TV show that isn't succeeding and I completely agree," she stated.

Whatever happened to Mr Wizard?

Don Herbert. You remember him as television's "Mr. Wizard." He made learning science so much fun.

So where is Mr. Wizard now?

Click CONTINUE READING below to find out.

Annie Leibovitz now shoots Hulk Hogan rubbing lotion on daughter's ass

Celebrity photgrapher Annie Leibovitz is already dealing with the controversial photos she took of Miley Cyrus. One of the disturbing photos shows Miley with her Dad in a suggestive pose. Now this photo from Leibovitz for an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair shows Hulk Hogan rubbing sun tan lotion on the ass of his daughter Brooke Hogan. The Hogan daughter says she's embarrassed by the photo and says she was pressured by Leibovitz into the ass-rubbing lotion photo session. Leibovitz has released this statement:

"I'm sorry that my portrait of Brooke and her father has been misinterpreted. We discussed the picture in that context before we shot it. The photograph is a simple, classic portrait, shot with very little makeup, showing Hulk Hogan, a grown-up man rubbing lotion on his 19 year old daughter's smooth shiny ass. It's that simple."

Disturbing photo!

Click on CONTINUE READING to reveal the chilling image!

Now there's a Lincoln sex tape!

A few weeks ago we heard about Marilyn Monroe's 15 minute sex tape. Yesterday came word of a Jim Hendrix sex tape. You know, these things always come in sets of three. This morning, the other shoe dropped. There's word of an Abe Lincoln sex tape.  The silent film was found by a memorabilia collector as he researched a documentary on Lincoln.  We're told in the clip, Lincoln emancipates his pants and shows off his Lincoln log. There's an unidentified woman in the footage, and in reverse twist of his assassination, Lincoln's the one who fires off a shot.

David Beckham joins Amish cult

There were rumors that Tom Cruise was trying to persuade soccer superstar David Beckham to become a Scientologist. But now we've learned that David is actually joined an Amish cult. We're all stunned at Dateline Hollywood. David has already started growing the Amish beard as seen in this photo snapped this weekend.  We've learned that he has just purchased a barn in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Victoria Beckham is said to be furious. David has already cut off all power to his Beverly Hills house. He tried to make it up to her, but we're told she was not thrilled with the gold plated butter churn.

Elliott Spitzer sues Joe Francis over Girls Gone Wild mishap

Joe Francis is taking it from both sides today... in court!

Just hours after call girl Ashley Dupre sued Francis and his "Girls Gone Wild" company for $10 million claiming they used explicit video footage of her without her permission, the former New York Governor, who left in a scandal over utilizing Ms. Dupre's "services," also sued Francis.

But Spitzer is angry because Girls Gone Wild didn't use footage of him!

"I spent several hours in front of a camera doing every nasty thing I could think of with those barely legal tits, asses, and p*ssies," the ex-governor of the great state of New York told Dateline Hollywood. "For him not to use any of that footage is a major blow to my attempt to start a new career as an adult entertainment star. As if my wife hasn't gone through enough already!"

Christina Ricci imposter sighted at "Speed Racer" premiere

Dateline Hollywood has uncovered an elaborate plot by Warner Bros. Pictures to convince movie-goers that Christina Ricci is co-starring in the new feature film version of "Speed Racer."

But they didn't do a very good job with the impersonator. Take a look at the real Christina on the left and the blonde-haired, under-nourished Ricci wanna-be on the right who was trotted out at the premiere.

Who do you think you're fooling, Warner Bros.? And what have you done with the real Christina Ricci?!

Get ready girls, Aaron Brown is coming back to TV!

He was the most stud-alicious anchor on CNN, and now this news hunk is coming back to TV.  Aaron Brown is joining PBS' "Wide Angle" series. It is a shame that Anderson Cooper does not have the same hot look as Big Brown. We're excited to see breaking news...in his pants! So tune in to PBS and have yourself a full serving of this TV Manwich! And we just have to ask the question.... What can Brown do for you? Anything he wants! Yummmmmmalicious!

Miley aplogizes for having small non-Hollywood breasts

This was the cover of The New York Post this morning and Miley Cyrus apologizing to her older, male fans for having such average-sized breasts. The 15-year-old girl who plays Disney's Hannah Montana appears semi-naked in the next issue of Vanity Fair magazine. This is what she has to say about the revealing photos and the size of her breasts:

"I took part in a photo shoot and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed. I feel so bad for those older gentleman who come to my concerts. I know they're disappointed that my breasts are not that big. I know Hollywood is ashamed of me. I'm hoping that I will get bigger as I grow. If not, I can assure them that breast implants are in my future." 

Jessica Alba is so fat!

What the hell happened to Jessica Alba?  She used to be so thin and sexy. Now we've just seen this photo of porky, and she has packed on the pounds, big time!  My uncle has a beer gut just like that, except not as sexy. She must be spending a lot of time with her new friends, Ben and Jerry.  Hello, Weight Watchers, we have a client for you. We can't figure out why Alba has gotten so fat! Anyone know? Drop us a line about Tubby McFly.

***UPDATE***

Jamie Lynn Spears also getting fatter! We just got this photo.

Check her out. She's ballooning too! What's going on, Jamie Lynn? Must be all that takeout food you're eating. Such a shame. Such a young girl and getting so fat. Jamie Lynn, in case you're reading this, we've got some helpful links posted below.

www.jennycraig.com

www.weightwatchers.com

www.FatTeenagersWhoShouldBeAshamedofThemselves.org